Wacky Hazy Solutions!

Wacky Hazy Solutions!

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last week, you will have noticed that our fair city is currently caught in a never ending cloud of smog. Compliments of the seasonal bonfires, the local haze levels hit a hazardous high of 371 on the Pollutant Standard Index (PSI) at 1pm today.

Although the PSI reading has dipped to 253 as of 4pm today, a new fashion trend has been spotted among Singaporeans with many wearing masks to combat the very unhealthy air quality. With our city ever shrouded in the dense fog, it seems that we are now being treated to a 4D trailer (complete with the smell of destruction) of the upcoming zombie apocalypse movie World War Z.

So, is that mask and additional air purifier enough to safeguard you from this aerial epidemic? Short of turning the Singapore Flyer into an industry strength fan, we stretch our minds and imagination to think of ingenious methods to combat the situation.


Photos courtesy of mrbrown.com and straitstimes.com

1. Hazmat Suit


Pictures courtesy of chacha.com and tigerdroppings.com

With the impending return of the last season of the hit TV series Breaking Bad, you can unleash your inner Walter White. Ever decked in his bright yellow hazmat suit, we are confident that if it can protect Walt from the fumes of the harmful chemicals that he uses, it should have no problems standing up to a little smog.

While you are in the suit, try doing some outrageous. Why not go skateboarding? Or better yet, attempt playing poker with friends! You can easily become the big winner as there is no way that any of them will be able to tell when you are bluffing.

2. Diving Outfit


Photos courtesy of history.navy.mil and facebook.com

Are you unhappy with the quality of air? Well, you can lug around your own personal supply then. This definitely beats any air purifier on the market! On the downside, don’t expect to be running for the trains or buses as swiftly as before.

3. Bane or Darth Vader Respirator


Photos courtesy of wallpaperpassion.com and 74211.com

Getting sick of all the haze particles that you have no doubt been coating your lungs with but too proud to go mainstream with a surgical mask or N95? Don’t worry, you are not alone. We believe that if you are going to be wearing a mask, you should do so in style. Think Bane or Darth Vader (without the horrid asthmatic breathing of course) and you will be right on the mark.

Now of course, the next step would be to actually build a working model to beat the haze. We are reasonably sure that just grabbing one from Toys ‘R Us is NOT going to do the trick.

4. Self-contained Bubble


Photos courtesy of dailyemerald.com and everydayshouldbesaturday.com

Can Rock n’ Roll save us in this time of need? Don’t think so, but Bubble Boy may have had the right idea over a decade ago. If being called “bubbles” is not your cup of tea, pretend that you are a rock star instead. Just check out The Flaming Lips’s frontman, Wayne Coyne’s concert entrance! Encased within a giant plastic bubble, he proceeds to crowd surf in it. Not only does it offer shelter, it is a great way to reclaim your own private space in tiny little Singapore.

Just remember to refrain from food and water. We imagine it would be a little hard to get your business done while encased in a bubble. You can’t have everything after all!

5. City Dome


Pictures courtesy of flixist.com and theouthousers.com

This is probably the noblest solution and will solve the entire city’s haze concerns. After all, as selfless, shining examples of human kind, it’s our responsibility to think of ideas on a grand scale that doesn’t just stop at plastic bubbles or advanced face mask. Just as in The Simpsons Movie, if an oval dome can contain all the environmental pollution within Springfield, we are sure it can keep it all out as all. Though keeping the whole darned thing air conditioned enough for the heat-adversed Singaporeans to be happy is another story. Now, if only someone will actually invent such a thing…


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